Given enough time, 7 Eleven ruins everything.
I have always been a huge fan of nacho cheese that is dispensed from the little (usually) white heat boxes. You know the stuff, the viscous orange/yellow liquid that flows like lava, has a bit of a kick and fills your dreams with sunshine and rainbows. I was lucky enough to have a summer job at an ice cream parlor when I was in high school, and they had one of these fantastic little boxes. I'm not afraid to admit it, every once in a while I'd grab a spoon, press the button and consume a mouthful of my favourite chip adjacent salty goodness. Right around the time I was nearing the end of high school, I was introduced to the most amazing lifehack; as long as you purchase something at 7 Eleven you can cover it with as much nacho cheese and chili as you want. This wasn't just limited to hot dogs and nacho trays, you could get a bag of Doritos and go to town filling the bag to your hearts content. After trying out a few different combinations, I came up with the perfect way to consume Sev nacho cheese. It was at this time that I developed a (primarily) weekend routine of consuming a few alcoholic beverages with friends then walking home late at night. I would plan my route home to pass by Sev so that I could have a little snack. I would stroll in at the witching hour, order a hot dog fill the tray to the brim with nacho cheese (absolutely drowning the hotdog and bun), pick out a small bag of Doritos (more often than not Sweet Chili Heat), grab some napkins, pay the man then resume my stroll home. This is where things got a little messy/tricky. With the precision of an archaeologist, I would use the Doritos to exhume the hot dog, once the bag was finished I would sprinkle the crumbs onto the hot dog, having removed enough nacho cheese to allow the consumption of said tubesteak and bun. As hard as I tried not to, I always ended upwith copious amounts of liquid cheese on my shirt, a small price to pay. This ritual continued for years..then one day as I was starting to fill up the hot dog tray I noticed that something was off, the cheese was far thicker than usual, and there appeared to be little red flecks in it. What the what! I just assumed that I was going crazy and carried on with the ritual. I dipped a Dorito in, tossed it in my mouth and was met with one of the biggest disappointments in, my, life! The cheese wasn't what I fell in love with, it was crap. It was that day that I realized that the devil does exist.. and he is the nacho cheese purchaser for 7 Eleven Canada. My seemingly unlimited supply of the nacho cheese I craved had run dry.
If you haven't caught on so far I love me some 'good' cheese. Some of the best cheese of my lifetime came out of Canada in the year 2000. It was right in the middle of the boy band boom of the late 90's. The group went by the name of B4-4 (there was only 3 fellas in the group, HA! GENIUS!!), the song; Get Down. Pop ballads are bullshit, if turds are going to release manufactured songs from manufactured 'artists' make that shit fun..and B4-4 (or whoever was behind them) did that and then some. Get Down is the 50 shades of grey of pop songs. It would be completely disposable if it wasn't laugh out loud (very thinly veiled if at all) raunch. The lyrics amount to soft core porn set to an upbeat drum machine and crappy synth beat. The three singers voices are indistinguishable from each other with auto-tune galore. This might sound like I'm shitting on this song or going to say it's a guilty pleasure..but that would be incorrect. I love this song, whenever I hear the first few notes come on I can't help but smile. Whoever was behind this song and moreso, whoever convinced Sony that it was a good idea to release this as the bands first single (or put it on the album at all [seemingly marketed towards young/pre-teens]) deserves a national statutory holiday in their honour. [I'm not sure if this should have been marketed towards pre-teens..but they don't listen to the actual words anyway and it's not like the lyrics in the song are explicit/vulgar, they're just hilariously suggestive]
"I'm gonna make you come tonight. *beat* Over to my house" HA!
Stay hydrated,
Marc
ps - If anyone has their own favourite pop song of this ilk let me know what it is, I always like me some good cheese.
I have always been a huge fan of nacho cheese that is dispensed from the little (usually) white heat boxes. You know the stuff, the viscous orange/yellow liquid that flows like lava, has a bit of a kick and fills your dreams with sunshine and rainbows. I was lucky enough to have a summer job at an ice cream parlor when I was in high school, and they had one of these fantastic little boxes. I'm not afraid to admit it, every once in a while I'd grab a spoon, press the button and consume a mouthful of my favourite chip adjacent salty goodness. Right around the time I was nearing the end of high school, I was introduced to the most amazing lifehack; as long as you purchase something at 7 Eleven you can cover it with as much nacho cheese and chili as you want. This wasn't just limited to hot dogs and nacho trays, you could get a bag of Doritos and go to town filling the bag to your hearts content. After trying out a few different combinations, I came up with the perfect way to consume Sev nacho cheese. It was at this time that I developed a (primarily) weekend routine of consuming a few alcoholic beverages with friends then walking home late at night. I would plan my route home to pass by Sev so that I could have a little snack. I would stroll in at the witching hour, order a hot dog fill the tray to the brim with nacho cheese (absolutely drowning the hotdog and bun), pick out a small bag of Doritos (more often than not Sweet Chili Heat), grab some napkins, pay the man then resume my stroll home. This is where things got a little messy/tricky. With the precision of an archaeologist, I would use the Doritos to exhume the hot dog, once the bag was finished I would sprinkle the crumbs onto the hot dog, having removed enough nacho cheese to allow the consumption of said tubesteak and bun. As hard as I tried not to, I always ended upwith copious amounts of liquid cheese on my shirt, a small price to pay. This ritual continued for years..then one day as I was starting to fill up the hot dog tray I noticed that something was off, the cheese was far thicker than usual, and there appeared to be little red flecks in it. What the what! I just assumed that I was going crazy and carried on with the ritual. I dipped a Dorito in, tossed it in my mouth and was met with one of the biggest disappointments in, my, life! The cheese wasn't what I fell in love with, it was crap. It was that day that I realized that the devil does exist.. and he is the nacho cheese purchaser for 7 Eleven Canada. My seemingly unlimited supply of the nacho cheese I craved had run dry.
If you haven't caught on so far I love me some 'good' cheese. Some of the best cheese of my lifetime came out of Canada in the year 2000. It was right in the middle of the boy band boom of the late 90's. The group went by the name of B4-4 (there was only 3 fellas in the group, HA! GENIUS!!), the song; Get Down. Pop ballads are bullshit, if turds are going to release manufactured songs from manufactured 'artists' make that shit fun..and B4-4 (or whoever was behind them) did that and then some. Get Down is the 50 shades of grey of pop songs. It would be completely disposable if it wasn't laugh out loud (very thinly veiled if at all) raunch. The lyrics amount to soft core porn set to an upbeat drum machine and crappy synth beat. The three singers voices are indistinguishable from each other with auto-tune galore. This might sound like I'm shitting on this song or going to say it's a guilty pleasure..but that would be incorrect. I love this song, whenever I hear the first few notes come on I can't help but smile. Whoever was behind this song and moreso, whoever convinced Sony that it was a good idea to release this as the bands first single (or put it on the album at all [seemingly marketed towards young/pre-teens]) deserves a national statutory holiday in their honour. [I'm not sure if this should have been marketed towards pre-teens..but they don't listen to the actual words anyway and it's not like the lyrics in the song are explicit/vulgar, they're just hilariously suggestive]
"I'm gonna make you come tonight. *beat* Over to my house" HA!
Stay hydrated,
Marc
ps - If anyone has their own favourite pop song of this ilk let me know what it is, I always like me some good cheese.
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